Tuesday, July 04, 2006

You're wrong! Spider-man with a laser could definitely beat Hellboy!

So, MSNBC has taken the liberty of gracing us with their very own list of the ten best superhero movies. Obviously, since I've seen a few of these movies, I am thus obliged to comment on this list. Since you may not have read the list, you might find it worthwhile to read the list before reading my comments.

Several of the choices come as a bit of a surprise, but not bad ones, necessarily: I'm willing to accept Spy Kids as a superhero-ish movie that is far more fun than, say, Fantastic Four (and the less I have to say about that movie, the better). There's also some sort of Japanese movie that looks corny and probably awesome, The Rocketeer (which has faded into obscurity a bit, and I haven't seen anyways), and Darkman, which is also kind of obscure. These are all fine and different choices, I guess. They're a bit unorthodox, and that's good for this sort of list, the sort that is typically mired in stolid predictability. The problem, for the most part, is when they reach the big corporate franchises (all four picks from which take up spots in the top five, interestingly enough). Well, maybe not so much a big problem. Just that two of them are a problem.

Superman II, I won't gripe with that. I haven't seen any of the Superman movies, but the first two are apparently quite good. The Incredibles I won't complain about either, that was a pretty good movie, but the problem sort of comes when they tell us the three movies that are for sure better than all the other movies they already listed.

Spider-man? Is number three? Is better than The Incredibles? Come on, I don't think it's even better than Spy Kids. It has its merits, but sadly, these merits do not include a villain that doesn't work for me, a mostly nice quiet story that turns into a big loud messy plot at the end, and more than a few corny exchanges that are quite honestly painful to listen to. Maybe the good parts outweigh the bad, but is it still better than Spider-man 2? And they don't even mention Spider-man 2 in the paragraph they devote to why they picked the original over it? Wow, snubbed.

The second best superhero film of all time is Batman Returns, apparently. Most of the reviews I've read of this have been bad, but since it has an 82% fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes and I haven't seen it, I'll leave it alone.

But the problem comes mostly when they try to tell me that X-men is the best superhero movie of all time that they fail. X-men has metaphorical resonance? What? Yeah, the theme has metaphorical resonance in the exact same way the comic book did, because that's part of the context. That doesn't make it a good movie. It's not even that I have a problem with the movie. But it's not an amazing movie. It's good dumb fun. It's not very deep, and, though it is perhaps a bit more human, it doesn't even reach the level of action spectacle that its more solemn sequel achieved. I haven't seen it in too long; I can't analyze it here. Maybe I should pick it apart on here sometime, since MSNBC has given me a definitive reason to. The point is: Spider-man 2 is better than all of these movies and doesn't even get mentioned on the list. Once. Even in passing reference.

In other news:

In a vaguely predictable manner, my livejournal haiku has been pulled from the countless entries in which I agonized over my english course:

LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name:homz
Your haiku:english back just this
morning i had done on time
saving those parts from
Username:
Created by Grahame


I also generated these afterwards:

LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name:homz
Your haiku:want to and i have
my anxieties about them how
much i would want to
Username:
Created by Grahame


LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name:homz
Your haiku:within a week or
so and then utilizing
their race to further
Username:
Created by Grahame


LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name:homz
Your haiku:say this lightly.with
that good morning because that
is judgmental or
Username:
Created by Grahame


I know, I'm a glutton for these things.

The only problem with the engine is that it needs to find a better way to compose haiku that actually is complete and doesn't end abruptly.

Also:

I escaped from the Dungeon of Zephyr Pie!

I killed Leamas the floating eye, Wongchungbang the leprechaun, Homz the zombie, Ern56 the zombie and Licyeus the leprechaun.

I looted a Figurine of Myliverhurtz, the Armour of Percussion, the Sword of Warm Laundry, the Dagger of Vegetables, the Sceptre of Canadian Ammerz, the Axe of In the Groove, the Armour of Science Fiction, the Wand of Milk, the Dagger of Milk, the Sceptre of Reading and 97 gold pieces.

Score: 197

Explore the Dungeon of Zephyr Pie and try to beat this score,
or enter your username to generate and explore your own dungeon...


I didn't think I managed to kill myself but I actually did. And when I say myself I mean Homz the zombie. It is also amusing to note that the scroll marked "HIKING" had a map on it.

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